I like soliciting anonymous questions from classes I teach or groups I speak to. It is a great way to gather insight into what is really on people’s minds. Here is question from a recent audience of undergraduate engineers:
Q. How can I improve myself as a leader?
A. Excellent, excellent question. This question is the first step. Kudos for asking it!
We all start with a different mix of skills that are determined by an amalgamation of our family life, our personality and the cultural context in which we were raised. But note, this does not mean our fate is sealed. Leadership abilities are cultivated, and not just when we are little whippersnappers.
Carol Dweck, in her book “Mindset”, emphasizes the tremendous benefit of being open to constant growth and learning. Growth and learning take practice. A champion athlete is not the best because they were born that way, obviously, they are the best because they have purposefully, incrementally improved through practice geared toward specific and well-defined targets. Think about that.
I am not a golfer but I have golfed a little. When I go to the driving range it is for fun, for the satisfaction of whacking a basket of balls into the distance. It is enjoyable, and I get the hang of it a little more each time, but I don’t become a golfer.
In contrast, when a golfer heads to the driving range, they focus on the detail of their forearm angle or center rotation. They observe what changes in the distance and direction of the ball. They focus on one small shift, over and over, and with this they improve.
Improving yourself as a leader takes the same kind of practice and readjustment over a long period of time. Actually, just like a golfer, that period of time is pretty much your whole life.
And improving yourself as a leader means a certain kind of putting yourself out there. This can be hard, and can bring up feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy. Sometimes when we, or others, address our weaknesses and gaps it can trigger a little tripwire in our brain that manifests feelings of defensiveness. This leads us to think, “It’s not my fault, they are the jerk.”
Personal growth is harder than golf.
I am a big believer in starting with strengths. What are yours? Think about how you might use your strengths to become even better? It is much easier to get better at what you are good, not to mention more satisfying.
How to start? First, do a little self-assessment. Strengthsfinder 2.0 is used by many, and I really like it as a tool for self-understanding. I keep a reminder of my strengths on my desk, and I know many others who do, as well.
Second, next time you are in a group or even social situation, observe yourself without judgment. What seems to be working? What could you improve? Pay attention. Honing any kind of social skill leads to stronger leadership skills.
I was recently getting to know a new friend. I really liked talking to her and found myself telling a favorite story. As I was talking I heard myself think “Hey, Jennifer, you may be talking too much.” Hmmn, was I? I tapped in and monitored myself. I tried talking less and asking more questions. I still may have talked too much (I tend to) but I think I made an incremental improvement, and I am pretty sure we both really enjoyed each other’s company.
Finally, if you are not sure what you need to work on to be a more effective leader, you could ask a friend, professor, boss or even coach. A word for the wise: match who you ask to the kind of delivery that works best for you. If you need someone positive and sweet, find that person. If you do better with cold, hard truth, ask the person who will give you a little kick in the rear. Remember, whoever you ask is seeing it through their own filter, and is only one perspective, but it certainly can be very helpful.
Thanks for asking the question and all the best to you on your leadership journey!
*Huge shout out to my professor, Brian McCarthy for introducing me to this sequence. For many reasons the world is a better place because of this guy.